i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
