GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
two words...techno handjob
organizing the empties. That sober.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
