come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
