omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
