i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
