she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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