Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
party gras won. party gras always wins.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
