If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
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There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
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She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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