It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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