your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
