I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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