I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
