Are we in a gay sports bar?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
