are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
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