can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
