It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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