Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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