somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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