I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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