I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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