Yo dont text me then not text me
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I will pee on everything he values.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
