you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
