oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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