walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
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I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
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Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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