does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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