I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
