I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
