Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
