Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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