we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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