Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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