So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
