I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
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