Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
