Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
