So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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