I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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