woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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