i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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