I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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