Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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