Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
