I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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