I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
