last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
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Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
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I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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