I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
