porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
