I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
