Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
This is classic penis vs brain.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
