Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
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It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
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how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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