Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left an ass print on the piano.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
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