So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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