it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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