I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
last night I used snow as a chaser
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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