yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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