God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize