I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
