Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
